Loved this so much. We have been working with ourselves like that for some time now and found the gentle communication is by far the best way. It is the most effective way to calm everyone quickly, resettle and keep communication open. Yelling at each other stopped working a long time ago. Also shaming Parts and ourselves also never really worked. This all helps builds trust within the system. Our life is still a mess but we have complete trust in our system learnt that that makes working together much easier. We don't have a host or an so called I, but whoever is fronting in those times knows we have each other's back. It keeps life calmer even when big things are happening meaning we are a victim in two historical abuse(worse word but being careful) and as hell as the last 5 years of the justice system is , we know we as a system will work together and be ok. Not so sure about life 🫣 but system stuff is ok. I love honest posts like this by the way.
We love how you framed what you’re doing! It sounds absolutely life changing (or at least system changing- we hear you on the life struggle part ❤️🩹) There is something so beautiful about system mates really understanding that we’re all on the same team with the same goal- and the system can figure out what’s best for it. That’s such a beautiful thing in its own right. Thank you so much for being here and connecting ❤️🩷
Thank yous so much for reading/listening! Protectors mean well, but wow can they end up acting like a bull in a china shop sometimes 😬😬 Harnessing and redirecting that energy is a feat, but when it works it’s great! 💜🩷 Thank you for being here!
This post was one of those wonderful moments where resonance, congruence and some sort of metaphysical alignment bump into each other and create a flicker of harmony and hope; I am not alone, we are not alone; we are unique, but we share amongst others that resonate and find that a deeper pool of muddy water is warmer than a shallow pool of crystal clear water. I can't thank you enough
This was incredible. And very timely for us. We had a "rage attack" at work yesterday. Turns out there were a BUNCH of little micro-triggers happening at once, adding up to one giant blow-up. At least four different headmates were the ones reacting. We're still processing. We did a good job of accepting our triggers, but I think we went into "what do we do about it" mode a bit quicky, and this was a good reminder that we can sit with those triggered parts without pushing them to try to problem solve right away. Anyway thank you for posting this.
Thank yous for reading and for being here! We hear you on switching into problem solving mode right away- that can also be a reflex for people pleasing /fawning parts 🙋♀️ We often say the nemesis of a trauma survivor is people pleasing at the expense of the system. It’s such an ingrained habit/skill to stay “safe” …it’s just that these days it doesn’t work very well. Not to mention it’s impossible to please everyone which then leaves those parts in a huge bind. We hope you are finding gentleness right now 💜🩷
This article helped me understand Salem and Pan in a way I hadn’t been able to before.
For a long time, I wasn’t sure if Salem counted as a persecutor. He’s angry, hostile, and often disruptive, but not in a way that feels senseless or malicious. He doesn’t really try to front on his own. Instead, he stays close, co-conscious, especially when I'm emotionally vulnerable. Recently, we’ve actually connected over shared trauma. Things I didn’t fully understand until I felt it with him. I was able to comfort him, and something shifted. He’s been quieter toward us internally, almost attached to me in a strange, protective way. His insults haven’t disappeared, but now they’re mostly directed outward, at specific people, not toward our system like they used to be.
Pan, on the other hand, has always been the light one. Goofy, creative, playful. But I’ve started noticing a serious pattern: every time I, or another emotional part, start to spiral or get overwhelmed, Pan pushes toward fronting. He’s not just fun, he’s protective. The problem is, Pan can’t handle being out too long. When he gets stressed, it destabilizes him, and during one of those times a fragment split off, Clover. Clover is small, soft, and seems to serve a similar function: showing up when things get too heavy. Now both Pan and Clover try to blend or front whenever things get hard emotionally.
Reading this helped me reframe all of that. Salem’s rage isn’t cruelty, it’s defense. Pan’s cheerfulness isn’t immaturity, it’s a coping strategy. They’re not competing for control. They’re trying to help. And maybe the most important thing I’ve realized is this: our fiercest parts are often the ones trying to carry the weight we were never meant to hold alone.
This “ our fiercest parts are often the ones trying to carry the weight we were never meant to hold alone.” gave us goosebumps. What an eloquent, accurate and beautiful way to conceptualize it! We love that you all are deepening your understanding of each other and your relationships. It’s been so helpful to realize that we’re all playing on the same team- albeit some parts may need a bit more coaching than others (😬🥰) Being able to give every system mate the grace they need and deserve makes such a difference. We really love hearing your experiences and feel so honored and grateful for you all for sharing them. Thank you so much for being here 💜🩷🫶
Loved this so much. We have been working with ourselves like that for some time now and found the gentle communication is by far the best way. It is the most effective way to calm everyone quickly, resettle and keep communication open. Yelling at each other stopped working a long time ago. Also shaming Parts and ourselves also never really worked. This all helps builds trust within the system. Our life is still a mess but we have complete trust in our system learnt that that makes working together much easier. We don't have a host or an so called I, but whoever is fronting in those times knows we have each other's back. It keeps life calmer even when big things are happening meaning we are a victim in two historical abuse(worse word but being careful) and as hell as the last 5 years of the justice system is , we know we as a system will work together and be ok. Not so sure about life 🫣 but system stuff is ok. I love honest posts like this by the way.
We love how you framed what you’re doing! It sounds absolutely life changing (or at least system changing- we hear you on the life struggle part ❤️🩹) There is something so beautiful about system mates really understanding that we’re all on the same team with the same goal- and the system can figure out what’s best for it. That’s such a beautiful thing in its own right. Thank you so much for being here and connecting ❤️🩷
wow. this helped kind of clarify for us what a "protector" vs a "internal helper" is and why our protectors dont always behave "well" or "nicely"
thanks...very pertinent for us literally today.
Thank yous so much for reading/listening! Protectors mean well, but wow can they end up acting like a bull in a china shop sometimes 😬😬 Harnessing and redirecting that energy is a feat, but when it works it’s great! 💜🩷 Thank you for being here!
This post was one of those wonderful moments where resonance, congruence and some sort of metaphysical alignment bump into each other and create a flicker of harmony and hope; I am not alone, we are not alone; we are unique, but we share amongst others that resonate and find that a deeper pool of muddy water is warmer than a shallow pool of crystal clear water. I can't thank you enough
This is absolutely mesmerizing 🩷💜 Thank you for your beautiful words that warm the collective soul of all of us. Thank you for being here 🫶
This was incredible. And very timely for us. We had a "rage attack" at work yesterday. Turns out there were a BUNCH of little micro-triggers happening at once, adding up to one giant blow-up. At least four different headmates were the ones reacting. We're still processing. We did a good job of accepting our triggers, but I think we went into "what do we do about it" mode a bit quicky, and this was a good reminder that we can sit with those triggered parts without pushing them to try to problem solve right away. Anyway thank you for posting this.
Thank yous for reading and for being here! We hear you on switching into problem solving mode right away- that can also be a reflex for people pleasing /fawning parts 🙋♀️ We often say the nemesis of a trauma survivor is people pleasing at the expense of the system. It’s such an ingrained habit/skill to stay “safe” …it’s just that these days it doesn’t work very well. Not to mention it’s impossible to please everyone which then leaves those parts in a huge bind. We hope you are finding gentleness right now 💜🩷
This article helped me understand Salem and Pan in a way I hadn’t been able to before.
For a long time, I wasn’t sure if Salem counted as a persecutor. He’s angry, hostile, and often disruptive, but not in a way that feels senseless or malicious. He doesn’t really try to front on his own. Instead, he stays close, co-conscious, especially when I'm emotionally vulnerable. Recently, we’ve actually connected over shared trauma. Things I didn’t fully understand until I felt it with him. I was able to comfort him, and something shifted. He’s been quieter toward us internally, almost attached to me in a strange, protective way. His insults haven’t disappeared, but now they’re mostly directed outward, at specific people, not toward our system like they used to be.
Pan, on the other hand, has always been the light one. Goofy, creative, playful. But I’ve started noticing a serious pattern: every time I, or another emotional part, start to spiral or get overwhelmed, Pan pushes toward fronting. He’s not just fun, he’s protective. The problem is, Pan can’t handle being out too long. When he gets stressed, it destabilizes him, and during one of those times a fragment split off, Clover. Clover is small, soft, and seems to serve a similar function: showing up when things get too heavy. Now both Pan and Clover try to blend or front whenever things get hard emotionally.
Reading this helped me reframe all of that. Salem’s rage isn’t cruelty, it’s defense. Pan’s cheerfulness isn’t immaturity, it’s a coping strategy. They’re not competing for control. They’re trying to help. And maybe the most important thing I’ve realized is this: our fiercest parts are often the ones trying to carry the weight we were never meant to hold alone.
This “ our fiercest parts are often the ones trying to carry the weight we were never meant to hold alone.” gave us goosebumps. What an eloquent, accurate and beautiful way to conceptualize it! We love that you all are deepening your understanding of each other and your relationships. It’s been so helpful to realize that we’re all playing on the same team- albeit some parts may need a bit more coaching than others (😬🥰) Being able to give every system mate the grace they need and deserve makes such a difference. We really love hearing your experiences and feel so honored and grateful for you all for sharing them. Thank you so much for being here 💜🩷🫶
Love this and helps me understand how to thank my protector part for stepping in when I have been unable to endure the trauma and I dissociated.