"Help I'm Frozen!" How to Defrost Your Internal Elsa
Helping Someone Else or Yourself(ves) Get Out of Freeze Mode. Includes infographics to screenshot & share.
The Three F’s of Trauma Responses
We’ve all been there. Maybe you were talking about something difficult in therapy or maybe the material wasn’t difficult at all. Maybe you inadvertently remembered some tough material or maybe you have absolutely no clue why it happened at all… but there you are: completely and totally frozen in place. You can’t move. You can’t think. In fact, you can’t do anything at all. And it feels intensely vulnerable and horrible all at once.
Of the trauma response 3 Fs: fight, flight and freeze, freeze is undoubtedly the most disturbing. The trauma response 3 Fs are innate survival responses. They are the built-in, automated mechanisms of our sympathetic nervous system designed to keep us safe the moment our brains sense danger. They are involuntary responses; we don’t get to choose which one we want. Typically, in less than 4 seconds, the brain decides which one to mobilize. We’re just along for the ride.
The Neuroscience
For those of you who abhor science, don’t worry, we got you-this is actually pretty interesting. Pinky promise.
Whenever a traumatic event occurs or sometimes when we’re triggered or dysregulated, the “thinking brain,” aka the frontal cortex, goes offline. When that happens, the brain can’t process sensations, words or movements. When the brain determines that fight & flight are going to be ineffective, it moves straight to freeze. Suddenly, we lose muscle tone and mobility. Or occasionally, the muscles might be tight and ready for action yet completely paralyzed (tonic immobility). Our heart rate slows, our breathing decreases, our blood pressure drops- in fact, some people even faint in what’s known as a vasovagal syncope. When this happens, no matter how you slice it, we are completely and totally immobilized in a state of utter collapse.
The brain functions a little bit like a see-saw, you see. When the frontal cortex or thinking brain is online working, the limbic system or paleomammalian cortex is offline and vice versa. Just like both sides of a see-saw can’t be in the “up” position at the same time, neither can the front and back of our brains be online at the same time. That’s why you can’t think your way out of a trauma response. It’s 100% instinctual.
Sound awful? Perhaps when you’re not in real danger it might, but during actual traumatic events it can be absolutely lifesaving. But why freeze and not fight or flight? After all, many of us prefer that our brains choose fight or flight over freeze. If nothing else, it just feels better to look back on later.
Why freeze? Well… If the brain, in the face of real or perceived threat, feels the body is too young or not well equipped enough to handle the threat at hand, freezing aka ‘feigning death’ can actually be a brilliant escape. Think about it for a minute. If you can’t fight or flee, tricking your predator into thinking that you’re already dead might just be ingenious enough to get them to leave you alone. Animals have done this forever. To better understand how it works, check out this description from Peter Levine’s book Waking the Tiger. Scroll through the excerpt to read pages 15-21. For more examples, you can also head over to YouTube and search “tonic immobility in animals.” If you are someone who mistakenly believes that freeze is somehow equivalent to consent, which it absolutely is not, it’s going to be extra important for you to read those pages in the excerpt.
To reiterate, when you’re in danger and there’s a real threat the freeze response is an absolute gift from your biology. But if you’re triggered, in a flashback, or are in a rabbit hole of traumatic memories and are in present day reality physically safe enough, the freeze response is a whole lot less helpful. So, for the times in the present when you are not in imminent danger, let’s tackle how to get out of freeze mode!
How to Help Someone Out of Freeze Mode
You might want to copy and paste this part to give to your safe supports, so that if you are ever triggered into freeze, they can help you out of it.
Less is more. A few basic safety rules to follow:
Don’t panic. Freeze mode is temporary. Once the body knows it’s safe enough, it will come back online.
Don’t make eye contact with the person who is frozen. It generally feels intrusive to someone who is vulnerable, scared and stuck in a trauma response.
Don’t touch anyone who is in a frozen state. Many people with developmental trauma were harmed while they were in a similar state earlier in their lives. Unsolicited touch is an unequivocal boundary violation.
Slow and steady wins the race. Going too fast will only make things more difficult for the person.
Don’t be overly positive or encouraging. Believe it or not, enthusiasm and too much positivity can feel unsafe and disingenuous. Be gentle, warm and open.
People who are stuck in a trauma response can’t process language. Their brains are too busy trying to survive a perceived threat. It’s best to use fewer words than you normally might.
Now…on to what you can proactively do…
If you suspect someone is frozen, simply ask, “Can you nod your head yes or no?”
If they can’t nod their head and/or they nod yes, in a reassuring tone of voice simply say, “I can help you.”
Next, keeping your own voice soft and calm, ask them to take slow deep breaths. Slow, deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is also known as the “rest, digest and heal” mode. It helps the body know that it’s safe and it can relax.
Breathe deeply with them, maintaining a peaceful feeling in your own body.
Simply keeping yourself calm and steady will help their brain co-regulate. Your calm brain essentially sends safety signals to their activated brain, which in turn helps them bring their nervous system back online.
Next say, “Try moving your eyes to the right.”
Avoid any quick movements. You can slowly point in the direction you’d like them to look.
Watch their eyes to see if they’ve moved them. Give it a little time. You may need to do more deep breathing and try again in a few minutes.
Once they’ve moved their eyes to the right, say, “now look to the left.”
If they can move their eyes, ask them to slowly move their fingers (or toes).
If they are able to move their fingers or toes, slowly work up to using larger muscle groups with them. Ask them to move their wrists (or ankles if they were moving their toes instead of fingers). You can slowly move your wrists in circles or back and forth with them.
Once they move their wrists, ask them to try moving their elbows. Bend and flex your elbows with them.
Be sure to keep your paced, calm breathing while you are doing these movements with them.
Once they are moving their elbows and wrists, ask them to move their whole arm at the shoulder.
As they begin to unfreeze, ask them to look around the room and describe 3 things they see in detail. This practice helps to reengage the frontal cortex or “thinking brain.” It is working to settle them into the here and now.
Once you’ve heard them describe three objects, suggest, “Let’s walk around the room together.” Really do walk with them, don't just watch them walk-that would feel creepy and unsafe!
Debrief.
Once they are unfrozen, remind them that freeze isn't a bad thing. It's a natural, innate survival mechanism. Reassure them that it makes sense that this happens to them today, especially given that they have parts that live in trauma time.
Stay warm, open and reassuring. Remember, the person isn’t being stubborn or resistant. They are merely having a trauma response that they are struggling to get out of.
Remember that freeze state is temporary and will not last forever.
Rest assured that once the body understands nothing bad is happening, it will come back online.
Frozen and Alone
Have you ever woken up in a frozen state? Or perhaps in the midst of writing in your journal you’ve found yourself completely paralyzed. Whatever the specific scenario is, we’ve all had the experience of being in freeze mode AND being completely and utterly alone at the same time. (Save, perhaps, for some screaming parts inside).
Here are some things you can do to help yourself out of it:
Breathe.
Sounds simple enough, but in this state it’s really hard. Remembering to “come back to the breath” can help a lot. Deep, rhythmic breathing lets the body know that it’s okay. It’s safe enough right now.
This step might take you a minute or two, given that your thinking brain is offline.
Smaller to Larger
Start with little, tiny micromovements. Move your eyes. Look around the room. You get extra points if you happen to be able to see the date on your phone. All of this helps your brain know that it’s the present moment/current time rather than trauma time where certain parts still reside.
Try moving your fingertips and then wiggle your whole finger.
Once your fingers are moving, try moving your wrists back and forth or in circles.
Once your wrists are moving, bend and flex your elbows.
Once your elbows move, try moving your whole arm.
Next try wiggling your toes.
Try moving your ankles in circles.
Bend and flex your knees.
Stand up and sit back down
Pick up your phone and look at the date and time and say it out loud.
Look around the room and choose three objects. Describe their color, texture, size, shape, what you like about it and what you don’t like about them.
Screenshot this & Save in your phone notes! Try the butterfly hug.
Cross your arms at the wrist and place them over your chest so your middle finger touches your clavicle.
Interlock your thumbs
Spread your fingers across your chest.
Alternate taping your chest with your left and then your right hand. Continue alternating hands, back and forth. Try to do this for 3 minutes or until your body feels calmer. Remember to breathe slowly and steadily.
Screenshot this & Save in your phone notes!
Debrief
“I had a trauma response. That is a common reaction for a trauma survivor.”
My body thought there was danger and it responded in the way it knows how in order to keep me safe enough.
Freeze response is always temporary.
It is (insert date and time) and I am (insert physical location). I am safe enough right now. It’s okay. I’m okay.
Letting Go of Elsa
The suggestions above have been things that have helped our system as well as many of our clients. We’d love for you to give them a whirl and see how they feel to you and your system. If “frozen” has to be a thing when there’s no traumatic event in sight, we recommend the Disney movie or ice cream for your Littles! It’s far more enjoyable after all! :) Last but not least, know that you’re not alone. We’re right here on this journey with you.
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Great read, all sounds very familiar. Thank you 🙏